the new term for farting is butt boxing.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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