i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
