make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
