your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
