Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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