She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
