It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
