Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's shark week go big or go home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
