I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
