It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
