im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
