She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
