dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
