How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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