4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
