Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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