somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
