i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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