dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
