i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
