call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
