You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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