walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
