i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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