Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
