its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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