I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
