I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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