Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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