Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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