i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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