I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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