do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
