there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
