I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
