Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
