this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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