hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
