pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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