The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
