he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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