So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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