You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
