I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
