You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
