The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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