I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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