I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
