Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
