she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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