Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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