We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
