My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
