I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
